Sometimes, you are your own worst enemy. Often, it seems like you can’t get out of your own way. If you’ve ever felt like this, or if someone close has ever made a similar observation about you, you may have a problem with self-sabotage.
What Does it Mean to Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to actions that people take to undermine their own progress or prevent themselves from achieving an objective. Examples of common self-sabotaging behaviors include:
- Procrastination: Putting off work until the last minute causes you to cut corners or rush through the project, which leads to a result that you know is far from the best you can do.
- Perfectionism: This is another form of procrastination, but instead of putting too little time into a project, you put in too much (and can’t stop fiddling with what should be a finished product). In the end, you still aren’t satisfied, and you’ve likely annoyed your colleagues or clients.
- Negativity: When confronted with an opportunity or challenge, you immediately focus on the worst possible outcome. This mindset can lead to diminished motivation, frustration, and substandard results.
- Self-criticism: This is negativity turned inward. It can involve demeaning self-talk, frequently second-guessing yourself, and becoming hyper-focused on self-perceived flaws or shortcomings.
- Avoidance: This type of self-sabotage is procrastination taken to the extreme, and it is one of the easiest ways to turn a minor inconvenience into a major concern. Ignoring a problem will rarely cause it to disappear, but there’s a good chance it will make things even worse.
- Isolation: Refusing to reach out for help when you’re facing a challenge can be a particularly pernicious form of self-sabotage. It can look like self-reliance or a strong work ethic, but being adamant about “going it alone” can actually be a way to guarantee that you’ll come up short in the end.
- Substance abuse: No matter what you may have told yourself, you are not at your best when you’re under the influence of alcohol or other addictive substances. But being drunk or high can be a great way to ensure that you don’t achieve whatever you’re working toward.
- Insufficient self-care: Failing to eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get an appropriate amount of healthy sleep can weaken both your body and your mind. In terms of self-sabotage, the effect of poor self-care can be similar to that of substance abuse.
Note: This post primarily looks at self-sabotage from a work-related perspective. But these types of behaviors can undermine personal efforts (such as earning a degree or certification, or losing weight) as well as relationships.
Why Do People Self-Sabotage?
It would be impossible to list every reason why people have engaged in self-sabotage, but here are five common influences:
- Low self-esteem: You simply don’t believe that you are good enough to overcome whatever challenge you are currently facing.
- Fear of success: You may feel that you are unworthy of whatever reward you would receive by succeeding in a particular endeavor. Or you might worry that once you’ve done well, the only way to go is down.
- Fear of commitment: What if something (or someone) better comes along after you’ve already committed to a job, opportunity, or relationship. What if you fully devote yourself, only to get fired or dumped?
- Maladaptive coping skills: This can include inflexibility, poor stress management, and an unwillingness to adapt when encountering new challenges or opportunities.
- Mental illness: This can overlap with the other causes in this list. For example, if you have depression, you may think you’re unworthy of good things. If you have an anxiety disorder, you may fear the ramifications of success. If you have bipolar disorder or PTSD, you may find it difficult to cope or commit.
Short and Long-Term Effects of Self-Sabotaging
The impact of self-sabotage doesn’t end with the scuttling of a specific project or the end of a certain endeavor. The ramifications can extend to virtually every aspect of your life, and may only become more severe over time.
Short-term effects of self-sabotage can include:
- Strained or ruined relationships
- Missed academic, social, or professional opportunities
- Diminished confidence
- Worsening physical and mental health
Self-sabotage can also lead to a range of long-term problems, such as:
- Career stagnation
- Financial problems
- Isolation
- Addiction
- Hopelessness and helplessness
5 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotaging
As with the reasons why people self-sabotage, there are myriad tips and strategies for how to end this behavior. Here are five suggestions to help you get started:
1. Start small
One reason why “one day at a time” is such a popular mantra within the recovery community is that it keeps people focused on small steps and achievable goals. It can be overwhelming to think about avoiding alcohol for the next 50 years – but you can stay sober for the next 24 hours, right?
You can apply this mindset to help you overcome self-sabotage:
- Choose a relatively minor task or project that won’t be too difficult to complete.
- See that effort through to success, then take on a slightly larger endeavor.
- Continue this process with increasingly more substantial challenges until self-sabotage ceases to be a concern.
2. Make a plan
Develop a detailed, step-by-step plan that will take you from the start of the project to completion. Write down what needs to be done, when it needs to be done by, and who (if you have help) is responsible for each step.
You have just proved to yourself that you know exactly what to do to be successful. Now it’s just a matter of following your own advice and getting it done!
3. Keep a journal
A plan looks at what you need to do in the future. A journal describes where you are in the present moment and what you did in the past to get here.
Take a few minutes every day to note what you did, how it went, and if there’s anything you should have done differently. Record what you hope will happen, and what you fear could happen.
Writing in a journal forces you to view yourself from a slightly detached perspective. This can help you to identify the genesis of your self-sabotaging behaviors, so you can prevent them from negatively impacting your efforts. It can also help you to recognize other problematic thought or behavior patterns.
4. Find an accountability partner
It’s much more difficult to sabotage your own efforts if you have someone else who is on your side and invested in your success.
Who your accountability partner is, and what they do, can vary depending on the specific ways that you’ve sabotaged yourself in the past. For example, if you know that you tend to procrastinate, your partner can help you stay on task. If you frequently succumb to self-criticism, they can hype you up and keep you motivated.
5. Talk to a professional
Sometimes, a concerted individual effort and the support of friends or colleagues isn’t enough to end a pattern of self-sabotage. If you’ve reached that point, it may be time to consider talking to a therapist or counselor.
As with journaling, therapy sessions can help you identify maladaptive thought or behavior patterns. Unlike journaling, therapy sessions include guidance and feedback from a trained mental health professional.
There’s no single perfect type of therapy for people who have a tendency to sabotage themselves. This is why you should focus on finding a provider who will take the time to conduct a thorough assessment, then develop a customized plan that addresses your unique history, needs, and goals.
Contact Conscious Health to Learn How We Can Help
Conscious Health offers a dynamic array of customizable outpatient services for adults who have been struggling with self-sabotage, stress management, and other mental or behavioral health challenges.
Our outpatient treatment center in Los Angeles, CA, is a safe and highly supportive place where you will be cared for by a small team of dedicated experts. Working together, we can help you find your path toward a much healthier and more satisfying future.
To learn more or to schedule a free consultation, please visit our Contact page or call us today.
Published: 2/14/2025
